My husband and I have been in a relationship for 20 years already. Some people or couples we know ask us about the secrets of being together and how to keep this long-term relationship successful. So, I decided to write some tips on maintaining our long-term relationship.
The truth is, after two decades of being together, our feelings in our relationship change over time. The sparks and the rush of falling in love are not permanent. When you are with someone for a long time, you feel comfortable with each other. Sometimes we think that our love for each other fades. But no, it simply evolves. The idea that the excitement of a relationship is sentenced to only the first months or a few years is entirely incorrect.
When it comes to a successful long-term relationship with the partner we choose, we can maintain the thrill of being in love and deepen our feelings of passion and intimacy. However, to do this means avoiding certain behaviors and habits to avoid breaking the relationship. Staying in love means taking the hard road and differentiating from past negative influences.
Being in a relationship for two decades is challenging sailing. There are so many ups and downs. However, we managed to overcome those.
To give you an overview of how we did it, here are the six tips to keep long-term relationship successful:
#1: The wife should be the no.1 priority over the in-laws.
Commonly, most couples fight because of their in-laws. In-laws have expectations, hopes, and dreams that may conflict with the reality you represent. Sometimes, your relationship will be tested because of in-laws’ issues, but if you want your relationship to last longer, your wife should be the top priority over them.
#2: Communicate! Nobody can read your mind.
For two decades in a relationship, Communication is EVERYTHING! The couple should talk to each other about anything and everything: the good and the bad. And be willing to listen when they speak as well.
Always remember that poor communication with our spouse often leads to unnecessary arguments or awkward tension. Poor communication will almost always lead to mismanaged expectations, leading to disappointment. These negative feelings will slowly pull you apart.
#3: Be a good leader and follower.
Just follow what the bible says. Ephesians 5:22-33. Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.
Even when buying a curtain for your house, you have different tastes in color. He likes white, and you like yellow. Being a wife, you must follow his desires even if you dislike them. It is a simple example of a wife submitting herself to her husband. If you follow this, your relationship will last longer.
#4: Forgive mistakes fast.
Forgiving and letting go of the past hurts a critical tool in marriage. Additionally, being able to forgive is a way to keep yourself emotionally and physically healthy.
My husband committed mistakes in the past. I thought at that time that I could never forgive him. The pain was so painful that I even thought my love for him had faded. But to save and keep our relationship longer, I prayed that my hatred would disappear as soon as possible.
Always remember that hate destroys our happiness and our life. So, choose to forgive whoever committed mistakes.
#5: Make time for dating.
Date nights and day dates are tremendous, so make an effort! Go for a walk, go for a trip, or head to a place you have wanted to visit. Try something new together to keep your relationship fresh.
For the past few years, we tried to go on travel without our daughter. We headed to the northern part of the Philippines. The vacation taught us that dating is essential in a relationship, especially when married. Dating improves marriages such as happiness, commitment, communication, parenthood stability, and community integration. Couples who devote time together at least once a week have lower divorce rates and increase the perception of a quality marriage. So, date your spouse more!
#6: Choose to love; choose to commit.
Remember that love is a feeling and a choice. And marriage is a choice. Choose to love them every day, even when they make it hard. Choose them every day. You stop choosing them the second you give up on your love.
#7: Support each other.
Being supportive does not mean doing anything for your partner that makes us uncomfortable. It doesn’t necessarily mean we must try and solve other people’s issues. Part of being supportive is being present and a good listener, not constantly standing in judgment, and having a sincere and caring disposition. To hear and understand what the other person is communicating and not allow our stuff to get in the way.
I like this about my husband; he supports me when I say I want to study law or proceed with my Master’s degree. Vice versa, when he said he wanted to have his own business, I helped him buy all the stuff to operate his business. Like that, always support each other even in minor things.
#8: Relationship advice is excellent, but there might be better advice for you!
If you find something that works, keep going because you’re comparing yourself to others.
Don’t compare your relationship to other people, and try to live up to some unrealistic standards of what a relationship should be. Do what works for the two of you – you know each other and your relationship better than anyone else.
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